Happy About the Choice, But Sad About Not Seeing Friends

Perhaps the reader has heard of an event called Happening. It is a chance for teenagers to treat other teenagers to the love of G-d, and to show them what G-d's love can do for others. This past weekend was the most recent Happening weekend, Happening #50.

During the past few months, I have dealt with some internal struggles about the complexities of life, such as the existance of G-d, the social order of humans, and the relationships between members of our species.
While I have decided that G-d Himself does exsist, it is in a manner that is not pleasing to many.

Below are two (or three, depending on how you look at it) reasons as to why I choose not to participate in this past Happening:

First: G-dliness is a quality that, theoretically, is one of the most coveted qualities of the American people. While I believe in the existance of G-d, I cannot claim that I am a "very" G-dly person. I do not see it as the utmost important thing in life anymore. Therefore, I cannot stand to believe that I would fit in very well there anymore.
First(b): Because of this, I feel that the activities would be better suited for a younger group of teenagers (since I have completed secondary school and am past the primary staff age of the weekend) that show more Chistian-like attitudes. (For why I am writing the name of G-d the way I am, visit [link] and scroll to "Writing the Name of G-d"

Second: I have heard rumours of a certain person being at the weekend. I have my doubts of how well the weekend would have turned out for her, myself, and those unfortunate few that happened to get beteen us. About a year and a few months ago, I severely pissed her off. I highly doubt that she has gotten over her justified anger at me.
In my opinion, that is simply not an element that should be present for this kind of weekend.