Uncomfortable

I cannot think of a place to post what I need to say within their text limit, thus, I am posting it here.

I think I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm uncomfortable with parts of who I was and some of what I've gotten accustomed to doing.  *Warning*: The following may be long:

It seems that ever since I realized girls existed, I've wanted one.  Ignoring the obvious ethical implications of that for a minute, the situation itself if problematic.  What sort of a relationship is a third grader going to have?  What could an eighth grader do besides go to after school sport events with them?  How do you schedule a relationship around work and high school?  My friends were able to make it work, and I was jealous of them.  I wanted someone to grow up with and share what I thought was important in my life.  But therein lied the problem, I didn't like just one other person.  No, just like a Labrador likes anyone that will pay attention to him, I saw a new girl to crush on every time I turned my head.  Some days, I even gave myself whiplash.

While it may be possible to pursue more than one person at the same time, I was raised in such a manner that it seems wrong to me to engage in anything other than a mutually exclusive relationship with someone unless other plans had been made, acknowledged, and accepted by all parties involved before initializing the relationships.  It was no wonder that it never happened to me, nor would I have wanted it to.

I started dating my second year of college.  My first girlfriend and I went out for two months before that fell in the shitter. Several months later, I started dating another girl.  It was wonderful, and I didn't pursue anyone else, because I didn't need them.  I felt validated, and had someone to grow and with whom I could share life.  When that ended, I felt awful, because I no longer had anyone to validate me, and I looked everywhere to replace that missing validation.

Time alone has a way of slowly eating at a person who feels like they need someone.  Within the last week, I have come to the point where I've identified that I do not like the fact that I have multiple crushes on multiple young ladies.  I find it distracting, selfish, and rude to each of them.  I've come to at least no longer pursue girls that I know have a boyfriend, as a matter of respect to him and their relationship (upon asking her out and her telling me that she has a boyfriend is also grounds to halt pursuit).  But I do hope that I can eventually get to the point where I have just one crush at a time.  I think that I'll feel better for it.

TL;DR: I'm uncomfortable liking multiple women simultaneously.  I want to change that.

Fairy Tales

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young lady. She came from a good home, had loving friends, was brilliant, caring, nurturing, beautiful, and an all-around good soul. She had terrible choice in men, because she was happiest when she was taking care of someone. Then one not so special day, before finals during that crappy time in life when you just want to curl up and cry, it occurred to her that she was alone. She could hook up with a number of men, or call a guy to cuddle up and watch movies with, but what she wanted was a guy she could be with in the long term.  Someone she didn't have to ask before coming over, where she could just come over and they could be just as happy talking or enjoying a shared silence. She was lonely.

A male friend tried to cheer her up without being committal. He wasn't in any position for a relationship, as he was more broken than she. But still, they shared a lunch.

As time went on, she felt better, and found a guy who was good to her. Life played put nicely. But we haven't gotten to that part of the story yet. She just had lunch today. This is the chapter halfway through the book where we wait for our heroine to make a choice. Because, sometimes, fairy tales do come true.