I never told you. First, I haven't seen you since we last spoke, but more importantly, I didn't think that you'd care. All the same, I wanted to tell you that I kept your photograph that you gave me. You were my first relationship, and true, it did not work out, but your photo still sits on my nightstand.
I keep it not because I enjoy the fact that your smiling face is the last thing that I see each day, or because I believe that you are the physical embodiment of an angel (I do believe those things), but I keep it rather, because, it is a reminder of hope. Not the hope of a bright new future, or a world without war, or any of that nonsense, but hope for me that there is still one crazy, lovely, and brilliant young lady in the world that knows how to put up with me, and even on the rare day, find my antics attractive and charming.
I keep your photograph because it helps to remind me of the (hopefully good) memories that we share. I know that it wasn't much. But still, you offered me more than you know: joy, for a short time, in thinking that sometimes life can slow down so that we may enjoy the minute details such as a picnic lunch; a chat about a topic that we both find intriguing; or just the knowledge that despite our having different viewpoints on a matter, two people can sit and have a civil debate (not argument) based on mutual respect and a desire to understand the other person's viewpoint, where facts and opinions can be fleshed out, viewed rationally, and agreed upon, all within the context of civility.
While it did not last, I am not ashamed of our relationship. In fact, quite the opposite. Having the honor of getting to know you was (and still is) a high point in my life. I do hope that I can find another that can be as kind to me as you were. It is the hope that keeps me going when times are rough inside my storming mind. And that slightly faded photograph of yours is the beacon with which I can guide myself to safety inside that storm. Despite the dust that covers it from the passage of time, the hope still shines through.
21 March 2011
09 March 2011
Free Consultation
First and foremost: I have a kick ass Resident Director. She doesn't even know my name, but she took my side when another RD came citing me as a "problem" with another resident. I have no idea what my RD's name is, but she kicks ass.
Second: College students, when biking around town at 0200 because there is nothing to do, and facebook has gone to bed, stay away from the schools. Cops (three of them, at least) tend to swarm you with quicker-than-normal responce times. They can be nice, even if you are a "suspicious Caucasian male in a dark jacket on a bike." They let me go without any hassle, at least.
That being said, I just biked around town for the majority of three and a half hours, pushing my endurance beyond its current limit. I am going to chug a bottle of water, and then sleep for two hours before I wake for class.
Second: College students, when biking around town at 0200 because there is nothing to do, and facebook has gone to bed, stay away from the schools. Cops (three of them, at least) tend to swarm you with quicker-than-normal responce times. They can be nice, even if you are a "suspicious Caucasian male in a dark jacket on a bike." They let me go without any hassle, at least.
That being said, I just biked around town for the majority of three and a half hours, pushing my endurance beyond its current limit. I am going to chug a bottle of water, and then sleep for two hours before I wake for class.
07 March 2011
Uncertainty
For some reason, the Deistic power has seen fit to smile upon my vain efforts for the time being. The girl from the post "The Truly Expected Results" has agreed to spend some amount of time with me. For the time being, I can settle for lunch every now and again, and some talking as we walk around campus....for the time being.
I even convinced her to watch a movie with me, and despite the fact that we couldn't find a DVD player, I would say that we had an enjoyable time just talking and watching television for two hours. It's a start. Were she not so bogged down with exams, I might even feel confident enough to ask her on another date. Maybe after mid-terms?
Transitioning to news that is purely good: I made friends with two music and art majors. It's almost a package deal, really. They're practically joined at the hip, and they act like sisters. We (the three of us) had a conversation today about boys, men, and their relationship(s) with women. It was quite interesting, and very informative of women's viewpoints on the situation.
And to end on a sour note: How does one tell if one has made the right choice in one's major? I feel that my choice in both theatre and psychology have been right up to this point. But I begin to evaluate myself, and that leads to the downfall. I have no truly special talents in the theatre, except for the passion to do the job. In psychology, I have only the training that I received in class, but that was half-assed anyway (I earned mediocre marks). The analyzing does not come naturally to me, and I have not the skill to "read" people like so many of my friends do.
I wonder what it is that I would be good at. I feel that it cannot be the things that I am passionate for.....it simply does not "click." Perhaps that is part of the (painful) adventure?
I even convinced her to watch a movie with me, and despite the fact that we couldn't find a DVD player, I would say that we had an enjoyable time just talking and watching television for two hours. It's a start. Were she not so bogged down with exams, I might even feel confident enough to ask her on another date. Maybe after mid-terms?
Transitioning to news that is purely good: I made friends with two music and art majors. It's almost a package deal, really. They're practically joined at the hip, and they act like sisters. We (the three of us) had a conversation today about boys, men, and their relationship(s) with women. It was quite interesting, and very informative of women's viewpoints on the situation.
And to end on a sour note: How does one tell if one has made the right choice in one's major? I feel that my choice in both theatre and psychology have been right up to this point. But I begin to evaluate myself, and that leads to the downfall. I have no truly special talents in the theatre, except for the passion to do the job. In psychology, I have only the training that I received in class, but that was half-assed anyway (I earned mediocre marks). The analyzing does not come naturally to me, and I have not the skill to "read" people like so many of my friends do.
I wonder what it is that I would be good at. I feel that it cannot be the things that I am passionate for.....it simply does not "click." Perhaps that is part of the (painful) adventure?
01 March 2011
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