I feel bland. Actually, reascend that. My apathy prevents me from feeling anything.
I begin wondering if the cost is worth the benefits. Specifically, I seem not to be very focused in school, and it feels pointless to waste my parents' money on my education if all that I am going to do is wander around and kill time. Since I am human, one of my driving desires is companionship. And if fulfillment of this is my primary goal, then I should be doing this somewhere else, preferably in a cheaper environment.
But, if I am required to give up something in my life, it would be the promise of a mutual companion in exchange for having a passionate, burning desire/drive....for anything. I cannot sense that I am either good for anything, or that I am convicted enough to fight for a cause. This cannot continue. There must be a drive in each of our lives that keeps us going; right now, I feel its absence.
22 September 2010
20 September 2010
Lazy Sunday in a Boring Town...Remains Lazy and Boring
There are about five members of the stage crew for the production that my school has just finished. Today, in this boring town, on this lazy Sunday afternoon, I tried to pick a fight with each and every one of them. I have nothing against them, it's just that I need to learn how to fight. This would be a valuable skill, no?
But apparently, this "emo" behavior causes a loss of friends. Who ever knew that self-defacing behavior drives people away? I will need to remember not to attempt to pick fights with fellow students if I wish to keep my friends here.
On an unrelated note, I came back to my "home" after the day's work, and began thinking about juxtapositions. Oddly enough, I find that alcohol has always lived well with mankind, and is in a number of sayings in the English language. "Wine and cheese," "steak and beer," and "brandy and a cigar" are among the top spots in my mind. Obviously, the English and their rebel colonists have a strong love of alcohol.
But apparently, this "emo" behavior causes a loss of friends. Who ever knew that self-defacing behavior drives people away? I will need to remember not to attempt to pick fights with fellow students if I wish to keep my friends here.
On an unrelated note, I came back to my "home" after the day's work, and began thinking about juxtapositions. Oddly enough, I find that alcohol has always lived well with mankind, and is in a number of sayings in the English language. "Wine and cheese," "steak and beer," and "brandy and a cigar" are among the top spots in my mind. Obviously, the English and their rebel colonists have a strong love of alcohol.
10 September 2010
She's Dangerous, Man
Thus far, I have spent the majority of my week with the theatre girl from the post below. She's fun to hang around with, but I come to find that she and I have very little to talk about other than people and stupid drunk stories. It doesn't leave me with a sense of hope for mankind, rather a despairing sense of dread that she isn't used to men being nice and kind to her. What sort of world is this that I've found my way into?
Friends from the theatre advise me against hanging out with her because she has done some stupid, ignorant things, including arrests. My friends have a point in that I cannot afford to throw my life away on that. This has to end, and it will when the week does.
Friends from the theatre advise me against hanging out with her because she has done some stupid, ignorant things, including arrests. My friends have a point in that I cannot afford to throw my life away on that. This has to end, and it will when the week does.
08 September 2010
Life Improves
Life seems to be fairly happy with me right now. I am pleased by this, actually.
Weeks ago, I screwed up a chance to ask out a moderately attractive theatre girl. She's spunky and energetic, and just generally fun to be around. But apparently she does not like to hear my beliefs that "all women simply intend to hurt men." *shrug* Life goes on...
...and on, straight into another splendid week (see "Sweet Simplicity"). It is a short week, thanks to some various bank holiday that I don't keep track of. So, therefore, school began on a Tuesday.
I have fairly mundane classes on Tuesday/Thursday, but I end the day with Theatre Appreciation, where I chose the applied option track to actively get my hands involved in the production. I go into the theatre class today and notice that my day became much more, uh, joyful seems to fit the description. Why? you ask. There is a young lady in the theatre that is not very involved (not the one mentioned above), but is enough so that people know her name; plus, she is in my theatre class. So, we work in the theatre shop (remember, this is the applied option, we actually do something during class time), go to a mandatory meeting after, and she, I, and a handful of other students walk over to the game room. The young lady and I play a couple games of pool (she won 2/3) and then I took her to dinner on campus.
[This is where life turns interesting. *The following story leaves out "minor" details.]
After dinner, we get to talking, and decide that then would be the perfect time to go fix a tattoo of hers. Neither of us having cars, we do the next best thing: we walk to this "tattoo-man" 's house. So, we chill there with the tattoo guy and some other random people for a couple hours, and some chick drives up in a car. She, apparently, is good friends with the rest of them, which must have been how the theatre girl and I caught a ride practically all over town. We eventually run across some other random guys at a gas station when we stop to buy more cigarettes. The guys invite the girls in the car to some party at their house. After some more time randomly driving around town, the group in the car decide to go to the party, where we just generally "chill" for a couple hours. Then, we start dropping people off at their homes, because it is now about 0330 hours (and the theatre girl and I have spent about 12 hours together now). When it is time to leave the theatre girl, she and I get out of the car. Being close to the college's campus, I decide to start walking. She persuades me to get back into the car and let her friends drop me off at my dorm. Before I get in, however, I make a comment about how she's being "difficult" (jokingly, of course), and she initiates a hug. As we slowly pull apart, she leans back in to peck me on the cheek. Then I get into the car, and she goes inside the house.
I see that the past twelve hours have been good to me, indeed, with that last minute and a half being incredibly worthwhile.
Weeks ago, I screwed up a chance to ask out a moderately attractive theatre girl. She's spunky and energetic, and just generally fun to be around. But apparently she does not like to hear my beliefs that "all women simply intend to hurt men." *shrug* Life goes on...
...and on, straight into another splendid week (see "Sweet Simplicity"). It is a short week, thanks to some various bank holiday that I don't keep track of. So, therefore, school began on a Tuesday.
I have fairly mundane classes on Tuesday/Thursday, but I end the day with Theatre Appreciation, where I chose the applied option track to actively get my hands involved in the production. I go into the theatre class today and notice that my day became much more, uh, joyful seems to fit the description. Why? you ask. There is a young lady in the theatre that is not very involved (not the one mentioned above), but is enough so that people know her name; plus, she is in my theatre class. So, we work in the theatre shop (remember, this is the applied option, we actually do something during class time), go to a mandatory meeting after, and she, I, and a handful of other students walk over to the game room. The young lady and I play a couple games of pool (she won 2/3) and then I took her to dinner on campus.
[This is where life turns interesting. *The following story leaves out "minor" details.]
After dinner, we get to talking, and decide that then would be the perfect time to go fix a tattoo of hers. Neither of us having cars, we do the next best thing: we walk to this "tattoo-man" 's house. So, we chill there with the tattoo guy and some other random people for a couple hours, and some chick drives up in a car. She, apparently, is good friends with the rest of them, which must have been how the theatre girl and I caught a ride practically all over town. We eventually run across some other random guys at a gas station when we stop to buy more cigarettes. The guys invite the girls in the car to some party at their house. After some more time randomly driving around town, the group in the car decide to go to the party, where we just generally "chill" for a couple hours. Then, we start dropping people off at their homes, because it is now about 0330 hours (and the theatre girl and I have spent about 12 hours together now). When it is time to leave the theatre girl, she and I get out of the car. Being close to the college's campus, I decide to start walking. She persuades me to get back into the car and let her friends drop me off at my dorm. Before I get in, however, I make a comment about how she's being "difficult" (jokingly, of course), and she initiates a hug. As we slowly pull apart, she leans back in to peck me on the cheek. Then I get into the car, and she goes inside the house.
I see that the past twelve hours have been good to me, indeed, with that last minute and a half being incredibly worthwhile.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)