Friendship Destroyed and Salvaged

They get along extremely well. It hit a rocky start because of differences in their personalities. But, they've talked about it, and they're going to make it work. I am sincerely happy for them, and I hope that it works out as well.

But this is my problem with it: it's going to work out. I've already talked with all involved parties, and we've all made very clear that the three of us are going to remain friends regardless. They claim that each of them worry about me. I have repeatedly told them that I've bounced back from much more difficult situations before, and yet they ignore that. I am not sure what I have to do to convince them otherwise. It's not like I'm going to kill myself. I've already told her that I c/wouldn't go through with it. She hit me after I said that.

But to more clearly illustrate the issue, she's his girl. Not mine, nor will she ever be. And I need to stop thinking that it would ever be possible, because it won't be. She's let this be known a million times before. I just choose not to accept it.

So, yesterday, during a break in a day-long celebration that I was attending, I go to visit her (since she's closest) to apologize for acting like an arse over the past week. We go for a walk, and talk a good deal about me, platonic friendships, and how I can put myself in one. I believe that it went well, and hopefully I've fixed whatever problems I've created between her and myself. Then, I called him. I apologized to him as well. We talked for a short while, and I explained that I was an idiot, I screwed up, and now I hope that he and I are cool like we once were.

The coming week will let me know what will happen.

Spring Break 2010

Fuck people.

Addendum: I am quickly learning the hard lesson of not meddling in other people's lives. Sadly, I'll probably still inquire, but I will try my damnest not to meddle.

Skipping Stones on a Pond of Time

I sit, eating rhubarb pie (look it up, Johnny Rebel), thinking how different my life is from even a semester ago. Sure, I'm still [describe physical characteristics], but I'm not who I am. I was the suck-up in class, the "teacher's pet" if you will. In the past three weeks, I've attended as many classes as I've skipped. I've taken my own advice on "This is college. If you don't want to go to class, don't." It's freeing- to a degree.

Club activities don't change much. Things seem to have slowed down these past two or three weeks. Mandatory "furlough" day imposed by the state has shut down my school on Monday, preventing me from going to my Psychology classes. However, the SGAs across the state have organized a rally at the state's capital against the budget cuts. This shall be fun.

After my early morning doctor's appointment, I'll hurry down to a hole-in-the-wall town next to my college to pick up a friend, then rush up the interstate to pick up another friend before descending on the rally with many other students.

In the past week, several schoolmates and friends have commented to me about my blog. I am quite pleasantly surprised that I have such a large following. Years ago when I began, I never thought that it would be more than a friend or two.

I've at least made friends with the art major mentioned earlier. This is much further than I thought that I'd get given my past, which is only another way to prove to myself that times change. She is beginning to challenge my religious beliefs, and I'm thrilled by this. Beliefs, without challenge, lead to a blind following. I am coming to learn a lot about myself through her.

Years ago, I remember liking only alternative and rock music. My tastes have changed slightly, developed, grown.... It's enjoyable to sit listening to Nat Cole swing a hip beat next to me.

Time is fluid.

Is It Rosencrantz or Guildenstern That Is A Strumpet?

Today, I was called something which I never thought would be an adjective to use against me.

Hahahahahahahahahahah.

I feel that the evidence of my metamorphosis is becoming quite evident. I only wish that I could change from the "nice guy" that I've always been to a more complete jerk quickly so that I would know how to not care about others. I look about and see many jerks who have very profitable lives, and I envy them.

Defeat is a Different Kind of Victory

I feel defeated, and I'm thrilled.

Mark me, I shall explain. "Go to," I'm sure you're screaming at me to do. Thus:

In regards to the last post, I withdrew from the class I feared I would fail from sheer ignorance. This is the first class that I've ever withdrawn from, so I feel quite defeated that I wasn't able to complete a "project" or "assignment" if you will. But, I shan't fail the course, so I am pleased.

Like most (good) engineers, I try to have a backup plan, and I try to build in redundancies where I can. Sadly, this is not easy when it regards people, but I still try. To this respect, my social circles are quite large in terms of diameter, and often do not overlap. This is quite helpful, as I try to woo a female from two circles at a time, hoping that if one attempt fails, there is still chance at another. Lately, I spent the month of February trying to woo one particular young lady which has already been introduced as Protector. The backup was an art major. The art major was easy to understand: she has no interest in a boyfriend. The first was not so easy. However, I believe that after a month of trying, I finally understand that she neither has interest in me.

I'm ecstatic about this because it means that I no longer have to worry about how to woo someone and sway their interests in my favour. No longer do I have to waste my time. And I finally will move along.

Other forms of defeat that are of note in my life elude my conscience at the moment, although I am sure that they are quite non-existent. So, for now, I just have the two victories. What a good day.