Symbolic Despair

The words that you are reading are not real. They are a grouping of symbols that are being displayed on the monitor of your computer. The symbols have absolutely no meaning. If I were to type "ksoans" you would derive nothing from that. The symbols are a way for people to communicate their meanings without using telepathy.

Nonetheless, people, specifically Americans, seem to place an almost iconic, deistic importance to the symbols. "Rialeapinonioht" means absolutely nothing to my readers. And, indeed, without taking the time to decipher it or look for anagrams, I find no meaning either. Because the symbols are not placed in an acceptable sequence to form a coherent idea rooted in the English derivative of the Latin language.

"Rialeapinonioht" is a mixed up jumble of letters from the phrase "in a relationship." Now that the symbols have been placed into proper juxtaposition, readers may begin to understand the context and the meaning behind the symbols. But the fact remains that they are still symbols.

In a personal light, when I see the phrase on a friend's profile, I begin to feel nauseous. Literally. I feel physically ill when I see those words. This was especially the case today when I saw the phrase on a new friend's profile, mostly because I find that I have a strong attraction to her. Usually, the symptoms subside within a few minutes. This time they stayed with me for close to ten to fifteen minutes. Obviously, I was upset by this.

My id is selfish, rude, and quite mean. I want her. Not to have sexual relations with her. If I were to marry her, then that would be an option. But as for now, I want to get to know her, to understand her ways, and to have her reciprocate my feelings toward her. My ego tells me that it will not happen. My ego is masochistic. He tells me that the symbols I read are real and that there is no use in trying to change my understand of that part of reality. My superego has no frame of reference because movies skew reality, and these are topics that usually have no definitive answer.

I really wish that there is a way for me to sort this sort of issue out before my id beats my ego into a bloody pulp. Suggestions are quite welcome.

Freudian Dreams

This morning, I woke up from a dream. Now, I am rather pleased about the first part in and of itself. Waking up means that I am not dead....which is usually good. Dreams imply that I have a healthy sleep cycle.

Anyway, the dream was one of the strange ones that people tend to remember because it had a strong personal connection and it's oddity. Back in secondary school, I was friends with two girls, both of whom where incredibly attractive. Inevitably, I liked both of them. Of course, part of that was because I am a skirt-chaser. Like all dreams, last night's did not seem to have much sense of chronological order or rational to it. Anyway, the two girls and I ended up in Hawaii or a similar environment, playing near an island in crystal clear blue water. The perfect situation, one would think. After having spent year twelve with both of them, going on field trips and sharing in plenty of memories with both of them, I felt rather close to both (and still do, to be quite honest). At some point in the dream, I went up to each of them individually and told them that I loved them. They reciprocated.

Somehow, one of them drown. I felt incredibly sad, but I enjoyed my time with the other girl, while we both mourned the loss of our friend. The only positive thing that I could think of was that now I had no conflicts in my subconscious. When I woke, I knew that I was in love with both of them, and that I had no answers on how to proceed, because I also have an intense crush on a young lady from my post-secondary institution. I think back to my Psychology class, wondering what it is that Freud would tell me. That I love the girl in my dream that did not perish, and the other two are not so important to me? Or that I was more in love with the girl that is "deceased" in my dream, therefore meaning that my love life is over?

I have no answers, and am thus saddened.