I feel bland. Actually, reascend that. My apathy prevents me from feeling anything.
I begin wondering if the cost is worth the benefits. Specifically, I seem not to be very focused in school, and it feels pointless to waste my parents' money on my education if all that I am going to do is wander around and kill time. Since I am human, one of my driving desires is companionship. And if fulfillment of this is my primary goal, then I should be doing this somewhere else, preferably in a cheaper environment.
But, if I am required to give up something in my life, it would be the promise of a mutual companion in exchange for having a passionate, burning desire/drive....for anything. I cannot sense that I am either good for anything, or that I am convicted enough to fight for a cause. This cannot continue. There must be a drive in each of our lives that keeps us going; right now, I feel its absence.
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