Silence

For those that wonder why I'm often silent when I'm around my friends, here is why:

There is a moderately attractive young lady in my Psychology course this term. Within the past day or two, I finally got around to sending a Facebook friend request, which she accepted. I asked her what her major was, and it lead into a short conversation that seemed tense. Perhaps it was the discussion on grades and classes, or just the arse-hole way that I tend to be when I talk to women. Either way, she rounds out the conversation by asking why I'm so interested in her education and her major. I respond with an honest answer, which is what I would assume most people would want: "I find you attractive and it makes me curious about you. I'll cease with the discourse on academia, if you'd prefer?"

If we had held the conversation face to face, I am sure that I would witness her not be able to run away quickly enough. This is typical for me, sadly. At the present moment, she is still listed as a friend on Facebook, but that might change.

I think back to friends and family that often tell me that I should "express myself" and "speak my mind." Well, dear friends, I have. Now, look at what became of it.

So, you ask why I am often quiet in the presence of others? It is because I fear the outcome of speaking my mind, driving people away. Instead, I stand in silence, calculating reasonable responses to enquires about my silence whilst attempting to figure out good, solid reasons as to why I like the girl in the first place.

(For added irony, "No Good Deed" from the Wicked soundtrack is playing as I type this.)