Unattainable Desire

Unknown to me, her beauty I try to see.  Such youth, such splendor!  That which I cannot have, alas, belongs to another.  An alcoholic at heart, lessons I wish to learn from her, if only to spend more time with her.  I want to be her friend, to see her more, to get to know her.  Surely she will never feel the same way about me, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Objectively, she really isn't as pretty as the others, but I never notice.  Her looks still dazzle me.  I wonder if she'll ever know.  Probably, but nothing will change.  She is tired of being sober; I am tired of behaving like I'm single.  It's betrayal for me, but the consequences seem nil, as any repercussions just mean I don't have to hide anymore.
Too many problems arise from relationships of people enclosed in such tight spaces as ours.  I'm highly inclined to forget about the problems of the future and live in the moment, for today.  Such actions are irresponsible, and I know that.  Maybe it's not even her that I'm looking for as it is just someone to have a physical relationship with.  I'm so curious, but I have to force myself to wait...on the other half's behalf.  The problem with America is the profound number of choices: too many to accurately weigh the right one out.  Maybe I just want to enjoy a bad decision, and so I choose her with which to make that happen?  She is younger than me...

"The angels dream and waltz tonight."  Such were the words that I would utter.  Now, it seems that side of me has all but disappeared.  I have no idea where, but it cannot be anywhere good.  The lights around me seem to fade, dimmer and darker into the nothingness that only the moon can bring out and make beautiful again.  I must be tired, as I let the emotions wash over me.  I want to stay objective.  You never see Spock with these problems.  But then again, it is in these moments, after having turned down multiple offers to party,  sitting alone in the moonlight (and that damned streetlight), that I can let the emotions wash over me, and let me start to feel again.  Now is when I can try to see the beauty of the life around me.  Not just for her.  Anyone can see that she is cute.  But moments like this when I reflect on her are when I can appreciate more to life than just having a job that pays some of my bills.
Perhaps it is what I perceive as the reckless and more dangerous side to her that particularly attracts me.  I see myself as acting too safe (hence the significant other), but she doesn't instill that need to protect others that I usually default to.  I just want to party around her.As I say that, I know that it would never work, as a relationship build purely around the physical and ephemeral never works out in the long run.  But I still want to play.  To run, jump, springboard, ride a motorcycle, gallop off on a horse, and be STUPID and reckless.  It would just be fun.  Sometimes, isn't that the most important thing?